The Burial

Walking to the grave
Generally, the cemetery is in walking distance from the funeral home. When it isn’t, however, a procession of cars follows the hearse from the funeral home to the cemetery. All the cars participating in this procession customarily turn on their car lights even during the day to indicate that they are participating in a funeral procession. Upon arriving at the cemetery, a member of the chevra kadisha will announce the location of the grave and the people accompanying the deceased will then follow the hearse by foot. The pace is usually slow so one should come properly equipped: with a hat and water bottle in the summer, and with warm clothing in the winter. There is generally a way to reach the gravesite by car, so if elderly or infirm people plan to attend the funeral, one should inquire about this in advance.

Though one accords the deceased respect by accompanying his bier to the grave, the custom in certain places is that a male's direct offspring (children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren) do not follow his bier, but remain behind in the funeral home. Anyone burying in Jerusalem or elsewhere where this is the custom, who wishes to accompany his father or grandfather to his final resting place, can do so by walking 'before the bier' instead of following 'behind'. In other words, direct offspring walk first in the procession (with the member of the chevra kadisha who is leading the way), the bier follows behind them, and behind it all the rest of the people accompanying the deceased. Upon arriving at the gravesite, the deceased's children will be asked to stand aside until after the grave is filled with earth. Kohanim are halachically prohibited from coming within four amot (two meters) of the grave, so they stand back on the 'kohanim paths', the outermost paths in the cemetery. If the deceased himself was a kohen (and you informed the chevra kadisha of this), he will generally be buried in the 'kohanim section' which is located adjacent to this path, in order to enable his relatives who are kohanim to attend the burial and family memorials.

Carrying the bier is considered a way of according respect to the deceased. A member of the chevra kadisha will, therefore, announce, before moving the deceased from the funeral home to the hearse, and then from the hearse to the grave site, “Friends and relatives are asked to come assist in carrying the bier.”

When the hearse has driven as close as it can to the grave, pallbearers carry the bier, upon which the deceased rests, the remainder of the way. On the way to the grave, the procession stops (generally, three times, though some people follow the Talmudic custom to stop seven times, corresponding to the seven days of creation) to recite selected verses and to allow the mourners (if they can) to recite kaddish. The chevra kadisha officiator leads all those accompanying the deceased in reciting Psalm 91, a psalm that describes how man's trust in God enables him to conquer his fear of death. At a funeral for a woman, the 31st chapter in Proverbs, describing the Eshet Chayil, is also recited. Kaddish is recited, whenever possible, by the mourners themselves.

Psalms 91 – Recited for a man or woman:

May the pleasantness of my Lord, our God be upon us – may He establish our handiwork for us; our handiwork may He establish.
Whoever sits in the refuge of the most high – he shall dwell in the shadow of the Almighty,
I will say of God, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, I will trust in Him.'
For He will deliver you from the ensnaring trap, from devastating pestilence.
With His pinion He will cover you, and beneath His wings you will be protected; shield and armor is His truth.
You shall not fear the terror of night; nor of the arrow that flies by day;
Nor the pestilence that walks in gloom; nor the destroyer who lays waste at noon.
Let a thousand encamp at your side and a myriad at your right hand, but to you it shall not approach. You will merely peer with your eyes and you will see the retribution of the wicked.
Because [you said]: 'You, God are my refuge', you have made the most high your dwelling place.
No evil will befall you, nor will any plague come near your tent.
He will charge His angels for you, to protect you in all your ways.
On palms they will carry you, lest you strike your foot against a stone.
Upon the lion and the viper you will tread; you will trample the young lion and the serpent.
For He has yearned for me and I will deliver Him; I will elevate Him because He knows my name.
He will call upon me and I will answer Him, I am with Him in distress; I will release Him and I will bring Him honor.
With long life will I satisfy Him, and I will show Him my salvation.
With long life will I satisfy Him, and I will show Him my salvation.
וְיהְי נֹעֵם יהוה אלוהינו עלינו ומעשי ידינו כוננה עלינו ומעשי ידינו כוננהו:
יֹשֵׁב בְּסֵתֶר עֶלְיוֹן בְּצֵל שַׁדַּי יִתְלוֹנָן,
אּמַר לַיְהֹוָה מַחְסִי וּמְצוּדָתִי, אֱלֹהַי אֶבְטַח בּוֹ.
כִּי הוּא יַצִּילְךָ מִפַּח יָקוּשׁ, מִדֶּבֶר הַוּוֹת,
בְּאֶבְרָתוֹ יָסֶךְ לָךְ וְתַחַת כְּנָפָיו תֶּחְסֶה. צִנָּה וְסֹחֵרָה אֲמִתּוֹ.
לֹא תִירָא מִפַּחַד לָיְלָה, מֵחֵץ יָעוּף יוֹמָם,
מִדֶּבֶר בָּאֹפֶל יַהֲלֹך, מִקֶּטֶב יָשׁוּד צָהֳרָיִם.
יִפֹּל מִצִּדְּךָ אֶלֶף וּרְבָבָה מִימִינֶךָ. אֵלֶיךָ לֹא יִגָּשׁ,
רַק בְּעֵינֶיךָ תַבִּיט, וְשִׁלֻּמַת רְשָׁעִים תִּרְאֶה.
כִּי אַתָּה יְהֹוָה מַחְסִי, עֶלְיוֹן שַׂמְתָּ מְעוֹנֶךָ.
לֹא תְאֻנֶּה אֵלֶיךָ רָעָה, וְנֶגַע לֹא יִקְרַב בְּאָהֳלֶךָ,
כִּי מַלְאָכָיו יְצַוֶּה לָּך לִשְׁמָרְךָ בְּכָל דְּרָכֶיךָ.
עַל כַּפַּיִם יִשָּׂאוּנְך, פֶּן תִּגּוֹף בָּאֶבֶן רַגְלֶךָ.
עַל שַׁחַל וָפֶתֶן תִּדְרֹךְ, תִּרְמֹס כְּפִיר וְתַנִּין.
כִּי בִי חָשַׁק וַאֲפַלְּטֵהוּ, אֲשַׂגְּבֵהוּ כִּי יָדַע שְׁמִי.
יִקְרָאֵנִי וְאֶעֱנֵהוּ, עִמּוֹ אָנֹכִי בְצָרָה, אֲחַלְּצֵהוּ וַאֲכַבְּדֵהוּ.
אֹרֶךְ יָמִים אַשְׂבִּיעֵהו, וְאַרְאֵהוּ בִּישׁוּעָתִי.
אֹרֶךְ יָמִים אַשְׂבִּיעֵהוּ, וְאַרְאֵהוּ בִּישׁוּעָתִי.

Proverbs 31 – Recited only when the deceased is female:

Who can find a woman of worth for her price is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts in her, and he shall have no lack of gain
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships; she brings her food from afar.
She rises also while it is yet night, and gives food to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
She considers a field, and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She girds her loins with strength, and she makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is good: her candle does not go out by night.
She lays her hands to the distaff, and her palms hold the spindle.
She stretches out her palm to the poor; she reaches forth her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household for all her household is clothed with scarlet.
She makes herself coverlets; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes garments, and sells them; and delivers girdles to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing; and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom; and on her tongue is a Torah of steadfast love.
She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all.
Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands and let her deeds praise her in the gates.
אֵשֶׁת חַיִל מִי יִמְצָא, וְרָחֹק מִפְּנִינִים מִכְרָהּ,
גְּמָלַתְהוּ טוֹב וְלֹא רָע, כֹּל יְמֵי חַיֶּיהָ.
דָּרְשָׁה צֶמֶר וּפִשְׁתִּים, וַתַּעַשׂ בְּחֵפֶץ כַּפֶּיהָ.
הָיְתָה כָּאֳנִיּוֹת סוֹחֵר, מִמֶּרְחָק תָּבִיא לַחְמָהּ.
וַתָּקָם בְּעוֹד לַיְלָה, וַתִּתֵּן טֶרֶף לְבֵיתָהּ וְחֹק לְנַעֲרוֹתֶיהָ.
זָמְמָה שָׂדֶה וַתִּקָּחֵהוּ, מִפְּרִי כַפֶּיהָ נָטְעָה כָּרֶם.
חָגְרָה בְעוֹז מָתְנֶיהָ, וַתְּאַמֵּץ זְרוֹעוֹתֶיהָ.
טָעֲמָה כִּי טוֹב סַחְרָהּ, לֹא יִכְבֶּה בַלַּיְלָה נֵרָהּ.
יָדֶיהָ שִׁלְּחָה בַכִּישׁוֹר, וְכַפֶּיהָ תָּמְכוּ פָלֶךְ.
כַּפָּהּ פָּרְשָׂה לֶעָנִי, וְיָדֶיהָ שִׁלְּחָה לָאֶבְיוֹן.
לֹא תִירָא לְבֵיתָהּ מִשָּׁלֶג, כִּי כָל בֵּיתָהּ לָבוּשׁ שָׁנִים.
מַרְבַדִּים עָשְׂתָה לָּהּ, שֵׁשׁ וְאַרְגָּמָן לְבוּשָׁהּ.
נוֹדָע בַּשְּׁעָרִים בַּעְלָה, בְּשִׁבְתּוֹ עִם זִקְנֵי אָרֶץ.
סָדִין עָשְׂתָה וַתִּמְכּוֹר, וַחֲגוֹר נָתְנָה לַכְּנַעֲנִי.
עֹז וְהָדָר לְבוּשָׁה, וַתִּשְׂחַק לְיוֹם אַחֲרוֹן.
פִּיהָ פָּתְחָה בְחָכְמָה, וְתוֹרַת חֶסֶד עַל לְשׁוֹנָהּ.
צוֹפִיָּה הֲלִיכוֹת בֵּיתָהּ, וְלֶחֶם עַצְלוּת לֹא תֹאכֵל.
קָמוּ בָנֶיהָ וַיְּאַשְּׁרוּהָ, בַּעְלָהּ וַיְהַלְלָהּ.
רַבּוֹת בָּנוֹת עָשׂוּ חָיִל, וְאַתְּ עָלִית עַל כֻּלָּנָה.
שֶׁקֶר הַחֵן וְהֶבֶל הַיֹּפִי, אִשָּׁה יִרְאַת יְהֹוָה הִיא תִתְהַלָּל.
תְּנוּ לָהּ מִפְּרִי יָדֶיהָ, וִיהַלְלוּהָ בַשְּׁעָרִים מַעֲשֶׂיהָ.

Upon completion, the mourners once again say the Mourner’s Kaddish.

Burial

When the funeral procession reaches the grave, people gather around the open grave and generally a member of the chevra kadisha enters the grave to insure that it is ready for burial. Some have the custom to encircle the deceased seven times while reciting various verses. The members of the chevra kadisha then place the body, with the hands at the sides, facing upwards in its grave, saying, ‘Let him/her rest in peace’. It is customary in Israel that no objects or possessions be buried with the deceased, not even his tallit.
The finality of these last steps of burial can be very shocking and painful. If you need some time to recover before continuing, it can be arranged.

After the body is placed in its grave, the chevra kadisha workers place concrete blocks on it. These blocks do not touch the deceased, since they are supported by ???? walls that were prepared in advance, together with which, they form a permanent coffin. A member of the chevra kadisha covers the blocks with a bit of earth and recites the following verse three times:

"וְהוּא רַחוּם יְכַפֵּר עָוֹן וְלֹא יַשְׁחִית וְהִרְבָּה לְהָשִׁיב אַפּוֹ וְלֹא יָעִיר כָּל חֲמָתוֹ"

Those present fill the grave with the earth that the chevra kadisha had set aside for this purpose. Since this act shows respect for the dead, as many people as possible take a turn shoveling a token amount of earth onto the grave. Though it is customary for men to participate in this process, women may also take part. Because of the sensitivity of this moment, the shovel is placed on the floor after each person’s turn rather than passed from hand to hand. When the grave is completely covered, a marker is placed on it with the name of the deceased. Selected verses and psalms are then recited, chosen according to the customs of the place and of the chevra kadisha. If the prayer of Tzidduk Hadin was not recited in the funeral home, it is often said at this point. Usually a member of the chevra kadisha recites Psalm 16.

Tzidduk Hadin (Justifying the judgement)
After the burial, a member of the chevra kadisha recites the prayer of Tzidduk Hadin. This prayer, written in the Talmudic period, emphasizes man's worthlessness compared with God's majesty, and through it, the mourner declares his acceptance of God's harsh decree. On days on which one refrains from eulogizing, one generally omits this prayer. In certain places this prayer is recited immediately after, and sometimes even before the eulogies.

The Tzidduk Hadin prayer customarily recited in Ashkenazic communities (based on verses from Deuteronomy 32:4, I Samuel 2:6, Psalms 119 & 137, & Jeremiah 32:19):

The Rock! – Perfect is His work, for all His paths are justice; a God of faith without iniquity, righteous and fair is He.
The Rock! – Perfect in every work. Who can say to Him, ‘what have you done?' He rules below and above, brings death and resuscitates, brings down to the grave and raises up.
The Rock! – Perfect in every deed. Who can say to Him, 'What do you do?' O He who says and does, do undeserved kindness with us. In the merit of him [Isaac] who was bound like a lamb, hearken and act.
O righteous one in all His ways, O Rock who is perfect – slow to anger and full of mercy – take pity and please spare parents and children, for yours, O master, are forgiveness and mercy.
Righteous are you, God, to bring death and to resuscitate, for in Your hand is the safekeeping of all spirits. It would be sacrilegious for You to erase our memory. May your eyes mercifully take cognizance of us, for Yours, O master, are mercy and forgiveness.
A man, whether he be a year old, or whether he lives a thousand years, what does it profit him? As if he has never been shall he be. Blessed is the true judge, who brings death and resuscitates.
Blessed is He, for His judgment is true, He scans everything with His eye, and He recompenses man according to His account and His just sentence. All must give His name acknowledgment.
We know, God, that Your judgment is righteous, You are righteous when You speak and pure when You judge: and there is no complaining about the attribute of Your judgment. Righteous are You, God, and Your judgments are fair.
O true judge, judge of righteousness and truth. Blessed is the true judge, for all of His judgments are righteous and true.
The soul of all the living is in your hand, righteousness fills your right hand and your power. Have mercy on the remnant of the sheep of your hand, and say to the angel [of death], 'Hold back your hand!'
Great in counsel and abundant in deed, Your eyes are open upon all the ways of the children of man, to give man according to his ways and according to the fruit of his deeds.
To declare that God is just, my rock in whom there is no wrong.
God gave and God took, blessed be the name of God.
He, the merciful one, is forgiving of iniquity and does not destroy, frequently withdrawing His anger, not arousing His entire rage.
הַצּוּר תָּמִים פָּעֳלוֹ כִּי כָל דְּרָכָיו מִשְׁפָּט, אֵל אֱמוּנָה וְאֵין עָוֶל צַדִּיק וְיָשָׁר הוּא.
הַצּוּר תָּמִים בְּכָל פֹּעַל, מִי יֹאמַר לוֹ מַה תִפְעָל, הַשַּׁלִיט בְּמַטָּה וּבְמַעַל, מֵמִית וּמְחַיֶּה, מוֹרִיד שְׁאוֹל וַיָּעַל.
הַצּוּר תָּמִים בְּכָל מַעֲשֶׂה, מִי יֹאמַר לוֹ מַה תַּעֲשֶׂה, הָאוֹמֵר וְעֹשֶׂה, חֶסֶד חִנָּם לָנוּ תַעֲשֶׂה, וּבִזְכוּת הַנֶּעֱקַד כְּשֶׂה, הַקְשִׁיבָה וַעֲשֵׂה.
צַדִּיק בְּכָל דְּרָכָיו הַצוּר תָּמִים, אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם וּמָלֵא רַחֲמִים, חֲמָל נָא וְחוּס נָא עַל אָבוֹת וּבָנִים, כִּי לְךָ, אָדוֹן, הַסְּלִיחוֹת וְהָרַחֲמִים.
צַדִּיק אַתָּה יְהֹוָה לְהָמִית וּלְהַחֲיוֹת, אֲשֶׁר בְּיָדְךָ פִּקְדוֹן כָּל רוּחוֹת, חָלִילָה לְךָ זִכְרוֹנֵנוּ לִמְחוֹת, וְיִהְיוּ נָא עֵינֶיךָ בְּרַחֲמִים עָלֵינוּ פְקוּחוֹת, כִּי לְךָ, אָדוֹן, הַסְּלִיחוֹת וְהָרַחֲמִים.
אָדָם אִם בֶּן שָׁנָה יִחְיֶה, אוֹ אֶלֶף שָׁנִים יִחְיֶה, מַה יִתְרוֹן לוֹ, כְּלֹא הָיָה יִהְיֶה, בָּרוּך דַּיָּן הָאֱמֶת, מֵמִית וּמְחַיֶּה.
בָּרוּךְ הוּא, כִּי אֱמֶת דִּינוֹ, וּמְשׁוֹטֵט הַכֹּל בְּעֵינוֹ, וּמְשַׁלֵּם לְאָדָם חֶשְׁבּוֹנוֹ וְדִינוֹ, וְהַכֹּל לִשְׁמוֹ הוֹדָיָה יִתֵּנוּ.

יָדַעְנוּ יְהֹוָה כִּי צֶדֶק מִשְׁפָּטֶךָ, תִּצְדַּק בְּדָבְרֶךָ וְתִזְכֶּה בְּשָׁפְטֶךָ, וְאֵין לְהַרְהֵר אַחַר מִדַּת שָׁפְטֶךָ, צַדִּיק אַתָּה יְהֹוָה, וְיָשָׁר מִשְׁפָּטֶיךָ.
דַּיָּן הָאֱמֶת, שֹׁפֵט צֶדֶק וֶאֱמֶת, בָּרוּךְ דַּיַּן הָאֱמֶת, כִּי כָל מִשְׁפָּטָיו צֶדֶק וֶאֱמֶת.
נֶפֶשׁ כָּל חַי בְּיָדֶךָ, צֶדֶק מָלְאָה יְמִינֶךָ וְיָדֶךָ, רַחֵם עַל פְּלֵיטַת צֹאן יָדֶיךָ, ותֹאמַר לַמַּלְאָךָ הֶרֶף יָדֶךָ.

Some people add the following verses:

גְּדֹל הָעֵצָה וְרַב הָעֲלִילִיָּה, אֲשֶׁר עֵינֶיךָ פְּקוּחוֹת עַל כָּל דַּרְכֵי בְנֵי אָדָם, לָתֵת לְאִישׁ כִּדְרָכָיו וְכִפְרִי מַעֲלָלָיו.
לְהַגִּיד כִּי יָשָׁר יְהֹוָה, צוּרִי וְלּא עַוְלָתָה בּוֹ.
יְהֹוָה נָתַן, וַיְהֹוָה לָקָח, יְהִי שֵׁם יְהֹוָה מְבוֹרָךְ.
וְהוּא רַחוּם יְכַפֵּר עָוֹן וְלֹא יַשְׁחִית, וְהִרְבָּה לְהָשִׁיב אַפּוֹ, וְלֹא יָעִיר כָּל חֲמָתוֹ.

Following recitation of Tzidduk Hadin (and at times, in its place), a member of the chevra kadisha recites Psalm 16, a psalm that deals with reliance on God at times of trouble:

Psalm 16:
A Mikhtam of David. Preserve me, O God: for in Thee do I put my trust.
I have said to the Lord, You are my Lord: I have no good apart from You;
And to the saints that are on the earth, They are the excellent, in whom is all my delight.
Their sorrows shall be multiplied that hasten after another god; their drink offerings of blood will I not offer, nor take up their names upon my lips.
The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and of my cup; You maintain my lot.
The lines are fallen to me in pleasant places; I have a goodly heritage.
I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; my reins also admonish me in the night seasons.
I have set the Lord always before me: surely He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
For You will not abandon my soul to She'ol; nor will You suffer your holy one to see the pit.
You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures for evermore.

תהלים ט"ז:

מִכְתָּם לְדָוִד, שָׁמְרֵנִי אֵל כִּי חָסִיתִי בָךְ.
אָמַרְתְּ לַיהֹוָה : אֲדֹנָי אָתָּה, טוֹבָתִי בַּל עָלֶיךָ.
לִקְדוֹשִׁים אֲשֶׁר בָּאָרֶץ הֵמָּה, וְאַדִּירֵי כָּל חֶפְצִי בָם.
יִרְבּוּ עַצְּבוֹתָם אַחֵר מָהָרוּ, בַּל אַסִּיךְ נִסְכֵּיהֶם מִדָּם, וּבַל אֶשָּׂא אֶת שְׁמוֹתָם עַל שְׂפָתָי.
יְהֹוָה, מְנָת חֶלְקִי וְכוֹסִי, אַתָּה תּוֹמִיךְ גּוֹרָלִי.
חֲבָלִים נָפְלוּ לִי בַּנְּעִמִים, אַף נַחֲלָת שָׁפְרָה עָלָי.
אֲבָרֵךְ אֶת יְהֹוָה אֲשֶׁר יְעָצָנִי, אַף לֵילוֹת יִסְּרוּנִי כִלְיוֹתָי.
שִׁוִּיתִי יְהֹוָה לְנֶגְדִּי תָמִיד, כִּי מִימִינִי בַּל אֶמּוֹט.
לָכֵן שָׂמַח לִבִּי וַיָּגֶל כְּבוֹדִי, אַף בְּשָׂרִי יִשְׁכֹּן לָבֶטַח.
כִּי לֹא תַעֲזֹב נַפְשִׁי לִשְׁאוֹל, לֹא תִתֵּן חֲסִידְךָ לִרְאוֹת שָׁחַת.
תּוֹדִיעֵנִי אֹרַח חַיִּים, שׂבַע שְׂמָחוֹת אֶת פָּנֶיךָ, נְעִמוֹת בִּימִינְךָ נֶצַח.

Kaddish Hagadol (the Great Kaddish)
After burial, the mourners stand near the grave and recite Kaddish Hagadol, otherwise known as Kaddish D'Etchadita. This kaddish differs from the mourner’s kaddish in its particular emphasis on salvation, renewal, and the resuscitation of the dead.

May His great name grow exalted and sanctified
In the world which will be renewed, and where He will resuscitate the dead and raise them up to eternal life, and rebuild the city of Jerusalem and complete His Temple within it, and uproot alien worship from the earth, and return the service of heaven to its place and where the Holy One Blessed is He, will reign in His sovereignty and splendor, [Nusach Sephard: and cause His salvation to sprout, and bring near His Messiah],
In your lifetimes and in your days, and in the lifetimes of the entire family of Israel, swiftly and soon. Now respond: Amen.

May His great name be blessed forever and ever.

Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled, mighty, upraised, and lauded be the name of the Holy One, Blessed is He
Beyond any blessing and song, praise and consolation that are uttered in the world. Now respond: Amen.

May there be abundant peace from heaven and good life upon us and upon all Israel. Now respond: Amen.
He who makes peace in His heights, may He make peace upon us, and upon all Israel. Now respond: Amen.

Further on in this pamphlet, you can read more about the kaddish prayer, its status, content, translation, and manner in which it is recited. On ITIM's website, you can also hear kaddish recited in its traditional tune.

האבלים: יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא.
הקהל: אָמֵן.
האבלים: בְּעָלְמָא דִּי הוּא עָתִיד לְאִתְחַדְתָּא, וּלְאַחֲיָאה מֵתַיָּא, וּלְאַסָּקָא יַתְּהוֹן לְחַיֵּי עָלְמָא, וּלְמִבְנָא קַרְתָּא דִּי יְרוּשְלֵם, וּלְשַׁכְלְלָא הֵיכָלֵהּ בְּגַוָּהּ, וּלְמֶעֱקַר פּוּלְחָנָא נוּכְרָאָה מִן אַרְעָה, וּלְאָתָבָא פּוּלְחָנָא דִּי שְׁמַיָּא לְאַתְרָהּ, וְיַמְלִיך קוּדְשָׁא בְּרִיךְ הוּא בּמַלְכוּתֵה וִיקָרֵהּ, וְיַצְמַח פֻּרְקָנֵה, וִיקָרֵב מְשִׁיחֵהּ.
הקהל: אָמֵן.
האבלים: בְּחַיֵּיכוֹן וּבְיוֹמֵיכוֹן וּבְחַיֵּי דְכָל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל, בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.
הקהל והאבלים: אָמֵן. יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא.
האבלים: יִתְבָּרַךְ וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח וְיִתְפָּאַר וְיִתְרוֹמַם וְיִתְנַשֵּׂא וְיִתְהַדָּר וְיִתְעַלֶּה וְיִתְהַלָּל שְׁמֵהּ דְּקֻדְשָׁא, בְּרִיךְ הוּא. הקהל: אָמֵן (או: בְּרִיךְ הוּא).
האבלים: לְעֵלָּא מִן כָּל בִּרְכָתָא (בעשרת ימי תשובה: לְעֵלָּא וּלְעֵלָּא מִכָּל בִּרְכָתָא) וְשִׁירָתָא, תֻּשְׁבְּחָתָא וְנֶחֱמָתָא, דַּאֲמִירָן בְּעָלְמָא, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.
הקהל: אָמֵן.
האבלים:
לפי נוסח אשכנז ונוסח אחיד: יְהֵא שְׁלָמָא רַבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא, וְחַיִּים עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.
לפי נוסח עדות המזרח: יְהֵא שְׁלָמָא רַבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא, חַיִּים וְשָׂבָע וִישׁוּעָה וְנֶחָמָה וְשֵׁיזָבָא וּרְפוּאָה וּגְאֻלָּה וּסְלִיחָה וְכַפָּרָה וְרֵיוַח וְהַצָּלָה, לָנוּ וּלְכָל עַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.
הקהל: אָמֵן.
האבלים: (פוסעים שלוש פסיעות לאחור) עוֹשֶׂה שָׁלוֹם (בעשרת ימי תשובה: הַשָּׁלוֹם) בִּמְרוֹמָיו, הוּא (לפי נוסח עדות המזרח מוסיפים: בְּרַחֲמָיו) יַעֲשֶׂה שָׁלוֹם עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.
הקהל: אָמֵן.

El Malei Rachamim (A Memorial Prayer)
Either a member of the chevra kadisha or one of the deceased's friends or relatives ends the burial ceremony with the recitation of El Malei Rachamim. This prayer, written in Germany after the Crusades, entreats God to allow the deceased's soul to find peace, in merit of the charity given in his name.

Ashkenazic minhag:
O God, full of mercy, who dwells on high, grant proper rest on the wings of the divine presence – in the lofty levels of the holy and the pure ones who shine like the glow of the firmament – for the soul of (deceased's Hebrew name) the [son/daughter] of (deceased's father's name) who went on to [his/her] world, because they will contribute to charity in remembrance of [his/her] soul. May [his/her] resting place be in the Garden of Eden – therefore may the master of mercy shelter [him/her] in the shelter of His wings for eternity; and may He bind [his/her] soul in the bond of life. God is [his/her] heritage and may [he/she] repose in peace on [his/her] resting place. Now let us respond: Amen.
Ashkenazic minhag - For a male:
אֵל מָלֵא רַחֲמִים שׁוֹכֵן בַּמְּרוֹמִים, הַמְצֵא מְנוּחָה נְכוֹנָה עַל כַּנְפֵי הַשְּׁכִינָה, בְּמַעֲלוֹת קְדוֹשִׁים וּטְהוֹרִים כְּזֹהַר הָרָקִיעַ [the names of the deceased’s parents] בן [the full name of the deceased] מַזְהִירִים, לְנִשְׁמַת
שֶׁהָלַךְ לְעוֹלָמו.ֹ בַּעֲבוּר שֶׁבְּלִי נֶדֶר אֶתֵּן צְדָקָה בְּעַד הַזְכָּרַת נִשְׁמָתוֹ [ויש אומרים במקום: בעבור שאנו מתפללים לעילוי נשמתו], בְּגַן עֵדֶן תְּהֵא מְנוּחָתו. לָכֵן בַּעַל הָרַחֲמִים יַסְתִּירֵהוּ בְּסֵתֶר כְּנָפָיו לְעוֹלָמִים, וְיִצְרֹר בִּצְרוֹר הַחַיִּים אֶת נִשְׁמָתו,ֹ יְהֹוָה הוּא נַחֲלָתוֹ וְיָנוּחַ בְּשָּׁלוֹם עַל מִשְׁכָּבוֹ וְנֹאמַר אָמֵן.

Ashkenazic minhag - For a female:
אֵל מָלֵא רַחֲמִים שׁוֹכֵן בַּמְּרוֹמִים, הַמְצֵא מְנוּחָה נְכוֹנָה עַל כַּנְפֵי הַשְּׁכִינָה, בְּמַעֲלוֹת קְדוֹשִׁים וּטְהוֹרִים כְּזֹהַר הָרָקִיעַ מַזְהִירִים, לְנִשְׁמַת[the full name of the deceased] בת[the names of the deceased’s parents] שֶׁהָלְכָהְ לְעוֹלָמָה.ֹ בַּעֲבוּר שֶׁבְּלִי נֶדֶר אֶתֵּן צְדָקָה בְּעַד הַזְכָּרַת נִשְׁמָתָהֹּ [ויש אומרים במקום: בעבור שאנו מתפללים לעילוי נשמתה), בְּגַן עֵדֶן תְּהֵא מְנוּחָתָה. לָכֵן בַּעַל הָרַחֲמִים יַסְתִּירָהּ בְּסֵתֶר כְּנָפָיו לְעוֹלָמִים, וְיִצְרֹר בִּצְרוֹר הַחַיִּים אֶת נִשְׁמָתָהּ,ֹ יְהֹוָה הוּא נַחֲלָתָהֹּ וְתָנוּחַ בְּשָּׁלוֹם עַל מִשְׁכָּבָהֹּ וְנֹאמַר אָמֵן.

Nusach Sefard – abridged version – for a male or female:

הַמְּרַחֵם עַל כָּל בְּרִיוֹתָיו, הוּא יָחוֹס וְיַחְמוֹל וִירַחֵם עַל נֶפֶשׁ, רוּחַ וּנְשָמָה שֶׁל
ֹ [the full name of the deceased]בת\ בן [the names of the deceased’s parents] שֶׁהָלְכָהְ לְעוֹלָמָה.ֹ בַּעֲבוּר שֶׁבְּלִי נֶדֶר אֶתֵּן. רוּחַ אֲדֹנָי תְּנִיחֶנוּ/נָּה בְּגַן עֵדֶן. הוּא/הִיא וְכָל יִשְׂרָאֵל
הַשּׁוֹכְבִים/וֹת עִמּוֹ/עִמָּהּ בִּכְלַל הָרַחֲמִים וְהַסְּלִיחוֹת וְכֵן יְהִי רָצוֹן וְנֹאמַר אָמֵן.

Nusach Sefard – long version – for a male:

וְהַחָכְמָה מֵאַיִן תִּמָּצֵא, וְאֵי זֶה מְקוֹם בִּינָה.
אַשְׁרֵי אָדָם מָצָא חָכְמָה וְאָדָם יָפִיק תְּבוּנָה.
מָה רַב טוּבְךָ אֲשֶׁר צָפַנְתָּ לִּירֵאֶיךָ. פָּעַלְתָּ לַחֹסִים בָּךְ נֶגֶד בְּנֵי אָדָם.
מַה יָּקָר חַסְדְּךָ, אֱלֹהִים, וּבְנֵי אָדָם בְּצֵל כְּנָפֶיךָ יֶחֱסָיוּן.
יִרְוְיֻן מִדֶּשֶׁן בֵּיתֶךָ וְנַחַל עֲדָנֶיךָ תַשְׁקֵם.
טוֹב שֵׁם מִשֶּׁמֶן טוֹב וְיוֹם הַמָּוֶת מִיּוֹם הִוָּלְדוֹ.
סוֹף דָּבָר, הַכֹּל נִשְׁמָע, אֶת הָאֱלֹהִים יְרָא וְאֶת מִצְו‍ֹתָיו שְׁמוֹר, כִּי זֶה כָּל הָאָדָם.
יַעְלְזוּ חֲסִידִים בְּכָבוֹד, יְרַנְּנוּ עַל מִשְׁכְּבוֹתָם.

מְנוּחָה נְכוֹנָה בִּיְשִׁיבָה עֶלְיוֹנָה, בְּמַעֲלַת קְדוֹשִׁים וּטְהוֹרִים, כְּזוֹהַר הָרָקִיעַ מְאִירִים וּמַזְהִירִים, וְחִלוּץ עֲצָמִים, וְכַפָּרַת אֲשָׁמִים, וְהַרְחָקַת פֶּשַׁע, וְהַקְרָבַת יֶשַׁע, וְחֶמְלָה וַחֲנִינָה מִלִּפְנֵי שׁוֹכֵן מְעוֹנָה. וְחוּלָקָא טָבָא [וחלק טוב] לְחַיֵּי הָעוֹלםָ הַבַּא, שָׁם תְהֵא מְנַת וּמְחִיצַת וִיְשִׁיבַת נֶפֶשׁ הַשֵּׁם הַטּוֹב הַמְּרוּחָם
ֹ [the full name of the deceased] בן [the names of the deceased’s parents] רוּחַ אֲדֹנָי תְּנִיחֶהּוּ בְּגַן עֵדֶן. דְּאִתִפְּטָר מִן עַלְמָא הָדֵין כִּרְעוּת אֱלָהָא מָארֵיהּ שְׁמַיָּא וְאַרְעָא [שנפטר מן העולם הזה כרצון אלוהים אדון השמים והארץ]. מֶלֶךְ מַלְכֵי הַמְּלָכִים בְּרַחֲמָיו יְרַחֵם עָלָיו, וְיָחוֹס וְיַחְמוֹל עָלָיו. מֶלֶךְ מַלְכֵי הַמְּלָכִים בְּרַחֲמָיו יַסְתִּירֵהוּ בְּצֵל כְּנָפָיו וּבְסֵתֶר אָהֳלוֹ לַחֲזוֹת בְּנוֹעַם אֲדֹנָי וּלְבַקֵּר בְּהֵיכָלוֹ. וּלְקֵץ הַיָמִין יַעֲמִידֵהוּ וּמִנַּחַל עֲדָנָיו יַשְׁקֵהוּ וְיִצְרוֹר בִּצְרוֹר הַחַיִּים נִשְׁמָתוֹ, וְיָשִׂים כָּבוֹד מְנוּחָתוֹ. אֲדֹנָי הוּא נַחֲלָתוֹ וְיִלָּוֶה אֵלָיו הַשָּׁלוֹם וְעַל מִשְׁכָּבוֹ יִהְיֶה שָׁלוֹם. כְּדִכְתִיב: יָבֹא שָׁלוֹם, יָנוּחוּ עַל מִשְׁכְּבוֹתָם הוֹלֵךְ נְכוֹחוֹ. הוּא וְכָל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל הַשּׁוֹכְבִים עִמּוֹ בִּכְלַל הָרַחֲמִים וְהַסְּלִיחוֹת וְכֵן יְהִי רָצוֹן וְנֹאמַר אָמֵן.

Nusach Sefard – long version – for a female:

אֵשֶׁת חַיִל מִי יִמְצָא, וְרָחֹק מִפְּנִינִים מִכְרָהּ. שֶׁקֶר הַחֵן וְהֶבֶל הַיֹּפִי, אִשָּׁה יִרְאַת אֲדֹנָי הִיא תִתְהַלָּל. תְּנוּ לָהּ מִפְּרִי יָדֶיהָ וִיהַלְלוּהָ בַשְּׁעָרִים מַעֲשֶׂיהָ.
רַחֲמָנָא דְּרַחֲמָנוּתָא דִי לֵיהּ הִיא [האל שהרחמים שלו] וּבְמֵימְרֵיהּ אִתְבְּרִיאוּ עָלְמַיָּא,
עַלְמָא הָדֵין וְעַלְמָא דְּאָתֵי [ובאמרתו נברא העולם הזה והעולם הבא]
וּגְנַז בֵּיהּ צַדְקָנִיּוֹת וְחַסְדָּנִיּוֹת דְּעַבְדָן רְעוּתֵיהּ [והניח בו צדיקות וחסידות שעושות רצונו] וּבְמֵימְרֵיה וּבִיְקָרֵיהּ וּבְתוּקְפֵיהּ יֵאמַר לְמֵיעַל קֳדָמוֹהִי דּוּכְרָן נֶפֶשׁ הָאשָּׁה הַכְּבוּדָה וְהַצְּנוּעָה וְהַנִּכְבֶּדֶת מָרַת
ֹ [the full name of the deceased]בת [the names of the deceased’s parents], רוּחַ אֲדֹנָי תְּנִיחֶנָּה בְּגַן עֵדֶן.
דְּאִתְפְּטָרַת מִן עַלְמָא הָדֵין כִּרְעוּת אֱלָהָא מָארֵיהּ שְׁמַיָּא וְאַרְעָא [שנפטר מן העול ם הזה כרצון אלוהים אדון השמים והארץ]. הַמֶּלֶךְ בְּרַחֲמָיו יָחוֹס וִיַחְמוֹל עָלֶיהָ וְיִלָּוֶה אֵלֶיהָ הַשָּׁלוֹם וְעַל מִשְׁכָּבָהּ יִהְיֶה שָׁלוֹם, כְּדִכְתִיב: יָבֹא שָׁלוֹם, יָנוּחוּ עַל מִשְׁכְּבוֹתָם הוֹלֵךְ נְכוֹחוֹ. הִיא וְכָל בְּנוֹת יִשְׂרָאֵל הַשּׁוֹכְבוֹת עִמָּהּ בִּכְלַל הָרַחֲמִים וְהַסְּלִיחוֹת וְכֵן יְהִי רָצוֹן וְנֹאמַר אָמֵן.

Request for forgiveness
At the end of the burial ceremony, in certain communities, the chevra kadisha member who buried the deceased turns to him and requests his forgiveness for any unintentional slights to his honor.

ֹ [the full name of the deceased]בת\ בן [the names of the deceased’s parents]
בְּשֵׁם הַחֶבְרָה קַדִּישָׁא, בְּשֵׁם הֶחָבֵרִים שֶׁהִתְעַסְּקוּ בְּךָ/בָּךְ, בְּשֵׁם מִשְׁפָּחְתְךָ/תֶךְ וְיְדִידֶיךָ/דַיִךְ,
אֲנִי מְבַקֵּשׁ מִמְךָ/מִמְךְ מְחִילָה. אִם חָס וְשָׁלוֹם פָּגַמְנוּ אֵיזֶה דָּבָר בַּטָּהֳרָה, בִּנְשִׂיאָת הַמִטָּה אוֹ בְּתִּקּוּן הַקֶבֶר,
סְלָח/סִלְחִי נָא לָנוּ, כִּי שְׁגָגָה הִיא. כָּל מַה שְׁעָשִׂינוּ הָיָה לִכְבוֹדְךָ/דֵךְ עַל פִּי מִנְהָג הַמָקוֹם.
אָנוּ פּוֹטְרִים אוֹתְךָ/אוֹתָךְ מִהֶיוֹת חָבֵר/ה בְּכָל חֶבְרָה אוֹ אֲגֻדָּה אֵיזוֹשֶׁהִי.
לֵךְ/לְכִי בְּשָׁלוֹם וְתָּנוּח/י עַל מִשְׁכָּבְךָ/בֵךְ בְּשָׁלוֹם, וְתַּעְמוֹד/י לְגוֹרָלְךָ/לֵךְ לְקֵץ הַיָמִים.
הְיֵה/היִי נָא מֵלִיץ/ת טוֹב בְּעַד מִשְׁפָּחְתְךָ וִידִידֶיךָ/דַיִךְ,
וְחַיִּים וְשָׁלוֹם יִהְיֶה לָנוּ וְלְכָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל עַד הָעוֹלָם. אָמֵן.

Leaving the grave
As the people leave the graveside, they place grass or a rock on the grave, saying, ‘זכור כי עפר אנחנו’, He remembers that we are dust (Psalms 103:14). This practice is customary not only at the burial, but every time one visits the grave – a grave covered with rocks signifies that many people have visited the grave, an honor for the deceased. Though it wasn't originally a Jewish custom to place wreaths and candles on a grave, many people have adopted this practice of according respect to the dead.

If you brought non-leather shoes with you, you will change into them now, as is the custom of mourners. If burial took place just a short time before sunset, and you want the day of burial to count as the first day of shiva, remove your shoes, and sit for a few minutes at the gravesite, while your friends come over to comfort you.

Before leaving the grave, those present form two parallel rows of comforters facing each other and the mourners remove their shoes and walk between these rows. The comforters say to them:

המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים (in Ashkenazic communities)
or
מן השמים תנוחמו (in Sephardic and Near Eastern communities).

In some communities, males form rows to comfort the male mourners, and females form rows to comfort the females. Other communities form rows only for males. This formal act of comforting clearly does not come to replace personal contact with the mourners and efforts to console them that will take place during the week of shiva.

Leaving the cemetery
Upon leaving the cemetery, one should wash one's hands at the sinks located at the entrance to the cemetery, to symbolize one's disassociation from death and its impurity. Some people have the custom not to dry their hands after this washing. Some recite the verse from Isaiah 25:8 while washing:

בִּלַּע הַמָּוֶת לָנֶצַח, וּמָחָה אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהִים דִּמְעָה מֵעַל כָּל פָּנִים, וְחֶרְפַּת עַמּוֹ יָסִיר מֵעַל כָּל הָאָרֶץ כִּי אֲדֹנָי דִּבֵּר

He will destroy death forever and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the insult of His people shall He take away from off all the earth, for the Lord has spoken.

Tell a friend

Burial and Mourning

The Burial